


Tight Connection To My Heart

by lullatone



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Booty Calls, Double Date, F/M, M/M, Sibling Bonding, this fic has it all, wine drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-17 18:51:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16979889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullatone/pseuds/lullatone
Summary: If you're trying to get your brother to ask someone out, the obvious answer is a double date.





	1. 2 X 2

**Author's Note:**

> Hey yall!!! This is my first 911 fic and it's been a v long time since I've written any fics at all but this show has got me inspired. Anyway, in this Buck actually has his own place to live (shocking, I know) and Maddie has gotten to a point where she's comfortable to try dating again. Anyway this will have another chapter to it and I hope yall enjoy!!!

It had been Maddie's brilliant idea after Buck had complained one too many times about feeling like a third wheel. It’s not that he didn't like spending time with one of his best friends and his sister, but sometimes you can only watch two people make heart eyes at each other for so long before you start to get queasy.

“It just makes me feel like a baby, like when you were in high school and you’d let me take along with your boyfriend after a football game or something.”

“Well we aren’t in high school anymore Buck.”

Buck rolls his eyes as he sinks deeper into Maddie's couch, catching her warning glance as his glass of red wine sloshes precariously close to her cream white cushions.

“I just can’t stand watching you and Chim making ‘ _marry me’_ eyes across the table anymore.”

Maddie blushes around her mouthful of noodles and turns her eyes towards anything that isn't her brother. “All I’m saying is Mads is that I love when you guys invite me to hang out, except I feel like the world's largest third wheel.”

“Fine. Then when we go out on Thursday night, bring Eddie.”

Buck almost chokes on his wine.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh don’t give me that. You can’t talk about ‘ _romantic glances_ ’, when every time you and Eddie are in a room all you can do is look at each other.”

Buck hates it when his sister’s right. And she happens to be about 90% of the time.

Things with Eddie had been...different. Ever since Eddie had revealed to Buck that him and Shannon had finally decided to separate, the time Buck spent with him and Christopher had increased exponentially. Movie nights at home, takeout on the couch, days off spent with Christopher while Eddie needed to take care of errands. Things hadn’t turned romantic so to speak but...more often than not Buck could swear he could feel Eddies eyes on him when he wasn’t looking. And Buck couldn’t say he hasn’t thought of Eddie romantically. He just thought he hid it better. Buck placed his wine on the coffee table in front of him.

“So what, I should walk up to him and say ‘ _How about a double date with me, my sister, and our friend from work. Super chill, not awkward at all, also let’s hope you're also into me or this could go terribly wrong.’_.”

Maddie rolls her eyes and smirks at Buck, who is currently shielding himself with one of Maddie's decorative couch pillows, his arms wrapped around it in a death grip. “God Buck,dramatic much? All you have to do is invite him out with us. You don’t have to make it a date or anything. Let him join us and see how it goes.”

“....promise you won’t embarrass me.”

“I can’t promise Chim and I won’t be gross or whatever you keep telling me, but other than that, I’ll be the ideal double date.”  
She leans over to her brother, her right hand pinky outstretched. Buck glares over the pillow that is still hugged tight to his chest. Maddie wiggles her finger and laughs. “Come on Buckaroo. Pinky promise I won’t tell Eddie that you _like like_ him.”

“Maddie!!!!”

“I said pinky promise!”

After another moment of silent glaring, Buck finally links his finger with his sister, sealing the proverbial deal. He only sort of feels like a petulant child, scrunched up on his sisters couch, squeezing the life out of his pillow because he can’t stand the fact that his sister knows more than him and is always right. They unlink their fingers and Maddie curls herself up next to her brother, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

“Listen, I know how much he means to you. I just want you to be happy.”

“....I know.”

“I won’t say anything to anyone or try and make something happen between the two of you.”

“I know you won’t.”

No matter how much Buck complained, he knew Maddie would never do anything to hurt him. Even when they were kids, she’s been able to switch from pestering to protective at the tip of a hat. Their lives have changed a lot since then, but in the end, they would still go to hell and back for one another. Buck let’s go of the pillow and pulls Maddie in for a hug. They stay like that for a while. Buck really can’t remember the last time they hugged like this.

“Love you Mads.”

“Love you too Evan.” Buck laughs, because no one actually calls him Evan anymore, unless they’re severely angry at him it seems.

Maddie laughs too, releasing herself from her brothers grip and grabbing the wine glasses off the table, holding them out to Buck.  
“Now, youngest person in the house has to refill the wine.” Buck lifts himself off the couch, grabbing the glasses and heading towards the kitchen.

As he fills both their glasses he can hear Maddie giggling and tapping away at her phone. Buck can only guess that it’s Chimney and he’s sure he’s correct. The two of them are inseparable and while Buck jokes about their hand holding and puppy dog eyes towards one another, he couldn’t be happier for his sister. She deserves to have people in her life that make her happy and if that person happens to be Chimney, well then Buck really can’t complain. If anybody deserves total happiness, it's those two. It seems that sometimes, people are just right for one another.

When Buck returns to the living room, Maddie is laughing at her phone and a blush has crept back onto her face. She accepts her glass of wine as Buck takes his spot on the couch. After a moment or two Buck can feel Maddie's gaze and turns to her, eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “What?” Maddie chews the inside of her cheek, her eyes avoiding him now that he’s turned to her.

“Soooo, I love you and everything but...you’re gonna have to leave. Uh. Soonish.”

“Why? You calling it an early night? I thought you had a late shift tomorrow.”

“Oh I do, I do. It’s just uhm….” Buck narrows his eyes and feels the phone on the couch vibrate. Before Maddie can grab it he spots the message.

_from: chimney-“great! ill leave in 20 ;))) see you soon qt”_

Buck can’t help the laughter that bubbles up and out of his chest as Maddie realizes he’s seen the message and her blush turns from a rose to a deep scarlet. She does her best to defend the cutesy text, saying that he does it because he knows it makes her laugh. Buck sets his wine down again, as his laughter turns into shaking wheezes. He hasn’t laughed this hard since the call where the guy got stuck in the drive-through car wash.

“Oh my god!!! You’re making me go home because you _booty called_ your boyfriend!!!”

“It’s not a- he’s just coming to hang out!”

Maddie's attempt at innocence just makes Buck laugh harder as tries not to fall off the couch. The combination of seeing his friend use both a winky face AND the phrase ‘cutie’ in a text makes his stomach ache with laughter. He wipes a tear away, trying to catch his breath as he says, “At 11PM on a Tuesday? Yeah, okay!!”

After his laughter subsides and he can see clearly once again, Buck picks himself up and heads over to the coat rack by the door. Maddie asks if he’s okay to drive and Buck says he’ll get a car just to be safe. He’s had two glasses of wine and he can just pick up his car tomorrow. As he slips on his jacket, Maddie goes through her usual routine.

“So text me when you get home just so I know you’re safe, and also, let me know how inviting Eddie goes okay?”

Buck just shakes his head and smiles as he opens up the Uber app on his phone. “I will I will. I’ll ask him tomorrow, I promise.” He slips his shoes back on and wraps Maddie in a hug.  
After letting go he unlocks the door, stepping out onto the threshold feeling the cool night air. He turns back to his sister, wiggling his eyebrows. “Have fun with your _boyfrieeeend_.” Maddie shoves him playfully, getting him fully out onto the porch.

“And YOU have fun asking yours out for our double date.” Buck sticks his tongue out, his sister returning the gesture before closing the door. Buck hears the lock click into place as he steps off the porch, heading down to the sidewalk to wait for his car.

It’s 5 minutes away, which gives him plenty of time to contemplate the idea of a date with Eddie. And not a double date, a real one on one dinner with just the two of them. They would get dressed up, nothing too fancy of course, but something besides there regular day to day outfits. Buck can see Eddie in a nice pair of slacks, a button down shirt that compliments his eyes. They’d go somewhere quiet where it could be just the two of them, no fires, no emergencies that always seemed to interrupt whatever moment they’re about to have.

Just them.

Or maybe….

Bucks daydream changes into the two of them along with Christopher, taking trips together, being a family. While they already hang out together now this would be just slightly different. Buck could hold Eddies hand as they carry a sleeping Christopher to the car after a day at the fair. Him and Eddie attending Christopher's school functions as a couple. Buck being Christopher's dad. One day they would decide, three is a bit of a lonely number, that the foster system is full of kids who need parents. A bigger house, maybe a dog, more kid-

Buck is pulled from his reverie when a car suddenly honks at him, pulling up next to him on the road. The car stops and Buck gets into the back seat, nodding to the driver as he gets in. The car pulls away from the curb and he’s surprised that he feels himself slipping right back into his fantasies. A million ideas flash through his head and they all bring a smile to his face.

Waking up next to Eddie every day, making Christopher breakfast on the weekends, family days spent playing games and eating pizza, Maddie being Christopher's aunt and spoiling the hell out of him, kissing Eddie Diaz, becoming Evan ‘Buckley’ Diaz.

Buck can feel his heart swelling and at the same time, there's a fear there. A fear of all of his dreams being crushed. He’s scared about the idea of Eddie rejecting him but if he’s learned anything over the last few years is that, life is short.  
Buck stared out the car window, watching the other cars and lights pass on the freeway.

He really needed to invite Eddie to dinner.


	2. Emotionally Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been having so much fun writing this, I can't remember the last time I was so eager to write something for people! This chapter has swooning Buck, more sibling goofs, and some light angst. There will be one more chapter after this, along with a possible 4th fun 'bonus' chapter I have some plans for. Enjoy!!!!

When Buck gets to the firehouse the next morning, Eddie is already there, drinking a coffee. The morning newspaper is in front of him as he mulls over the daily crossword puzzle. The others used to tease him for his ‘old man’ morning routine, but Eddie says it wakes his brain up. He also revealed to Buck that whenever they would get care packages overseas, crossword books were a big favorite. Buck found one last week at the bookstore. All 90’s themed history and pop culture. He’s saving it for Eddie's birthday.

Eddie hears Buck as he approaches the table and smiles, giving Buck a hearty ‘good morning’.  
“Morning man. How's the puzzle today?”

“Eh it’s alright. Been stuck on a 4 letter word for ‘celestial spheres’ for a while now.”

“Well if you don’t know, then I certainly don’t know.” Eddie chuckles at that, and it makes Buck swoon a little.

On the inside, anyway.

He heads over to the counter that houses the coffee pot, grabbing a mug from the shelf above. With his back turned, Buck figures this is as good a time as any to ask Eddie about the ‘date’. At least this way he can hide the fact that he feels like he wants to puke. “So man, uh, do you have any plans Thursday night?”

“Thursday? Nah, Christopher is staying at Shannons that night. Why, you thinking drinks?” Buck busies himself with loading his mug up with cream and sugar.

“Sort of. Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to come out with Maddie, Chim and I.” Now that Buck had released the question into the air, he feels it’s safe to turn around without totally embarrassing himself. When he does, he’s met with a smirking Eddie, leaning back on his chair looking incredibly smug.

“So you’ve finally realized you’re the third wheel?”

“I am not the third wheel!!”

“You are a little bit. But if you want me to come save you and make it fair, I totally will.”

Buck is a little taken aback by how easily he said ‘yes’. Him and the others usually have to pry Eddie out of his home when they try to hang out as a group, so he’s a little surprised by the ease. However, Buck isn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth and tells Eddie he’s pumped that he’s joining them. The smile Eddie gives him in return is blinding, and it makes Buck weak in the knees. Luckily for him the counter is there to catch him, and Hen and Bobby have just arrived to save Buck from making a fool of himself.

On an early Wednesday morning, Thursday night feels like a million years away.

 

Eddie picks Buck up the next night. The ride to the bar they're meeting Maddie and Chim at is short and silent. Not silent because the two men can’t make conversation, but just because they’re comfortable like that. It’s been a long time since Buck has been friends with someone that he can just sit in relaxed silence with. Buck is happy just being in Eddies presence and he’s sure it’s a fairly mutual feeling. They dial through the radio channels on the way there before settling on some Bob Dylan song that eventually fades into some other folk musicians music.

Buck sneaks some glances at Eddie when he can. He looks relaxed and young while driving, the wind from the rolled down window ruffling his hair. The grey henley is doing wonders for Eddies figure, and the red flannel has has on top of it makes him look incredibly soft in a way that makes Buck want to curl up next to him. When Buck feels his staring has become too obvious, he turns back to gazing out the window.

 

Maddie and Chimney are waiting for them at a corner booth in the back of the bar when they arrive. The bar itself is cozy. Not so loud that you have to yell over one another, and bright enough to not be squinting your eyes to see the person next to you. They ordered for everyone, with four beers already waiting on the table.

Eddie slides into the booth, Buck following him. The booth is a little tight, which is fine for Chimney and Maddie, with the latter pressed into her boyfriend's side. However it’s tight enough that Buck and Eddies thighs are touching underneath the table and it’s enough to send Buck’s mind melting. The contact feels like its burning a hole through his jeans down into this bones. He grabs the beer in front of him, taking a swig as Maddie starts asking Eddie something about Christopher. Buck can only focus on his closeness to Eddie and he’s thankful for the way he fits right into their previously formed trio.

The conversation flows easily as the time goes on, as do the drinks. At one point Chimney throws his arm around the back of the booth, allowing Maddie to lean in if she chose to. Buck can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy down in his gut. Not towards Chimney of course (him and his sister had established long ago that they had very different taste in men). But he longed for Eddie to do the same for him. To throw his arm around the back of a dingy bar booth and look at Buck like he hung the stars, just like how Chimney looked at his sister. Buck is so lost in his fantasy that he almost misses the waiter putting down two glasses of white wine in front of him and Maddie, along with baskets of fries for the table.

“White wine Mads? Are you trying to get me incoherent?”

“Come on. You and I are having fun, and we’ve both got someone to take our sorry butts home. So tonight, is a white wine night.” Maddie's smile is radiant as she toasts her glass with Buck, and he realizes she’s still taking advantage of one of the things her new life gives her; the ability to have fun. Buck is grateful for that, and accepts the glass of wine, taking a sip of the sweet liquid. He wasn’t opposed to the drink of choice and he didn’t consider himself a lightweight by any means, however there was something about white wine that always managed to turn Bucks brain to mush. Maybe it was a Buckley thing.

A few minutes later, Buck is already starting to feel the effects of the cheap wine. His body feels warm and pleasant, and when Eddie nudges his shoulder so he can run to the restroom, the spot continues to stay hot long after he’s left with Chimney in tow. With the two of them gone, Maddie leans across the table and giggles, her glass of wine already empty.

“So first of all, I was _sooooo_ right. Eddie fits right in. And second, you gotta do something about this crush you’re nursing. Because wow. _Wow_. I can feel you trying not to die from across the table.”

“Thanks Mads. Yes, you were right and I have the biggest crush on my best friend. Gold star.” Buck tries not to be pouty, but he can’t seem to help it. He downs the rest of his glass.

“I think you’ve got to take a shot. You’ll never know unless you try. And Buck, I really think he likes you too.”

In any other situation, the last thing Buck would be doing is taking advice from slightly drunk Maddie, but the look in her eyes is so genuine it takes him aback for a second. She would never say something like that unless she believed in it 100%, sober or otherwise. Maddie stretches her arm across the table, hand outstretched, bracelets jingling against the wood. Buck takes it, squeezing it tight as he smiles softly. “I hope so.”

He flags down the waiter for another round.

 

Maddie and Buck are well and truly drunk by the time they all leave around midnight. Eddie and Chimney had taken to drinking water for the last hour after hardly having three beers between the two of them. Maddie has found a way to wrap herself around Chimney while walking, which Buck has to admit is impressive in it’s on right.

What is especially impressive to Buck is how he’s managed to keep his hands off Eddie the whole night. With his flannel tied around his waist, Eddie looks practically drool worthy in the skin hugging henley. His jeans are surely too tight to be comfortable, but maybe that’s just the way Buck is seeing things.

Buck can make it down the sidewalk just fine as the four of them head down to the parking lot, but he can see Eddie reach out a hand to catch him every time he stumbles on the uneven sidewalk. Thankfully his sister and Chimney are behind them, so he doesn’t have to watch Maddie and her grabby hands try to sneak under Chimneys jacket. Besides that, Eddie has been having the time of his life telling Maddie jokes that he learned from Christopher.

“Okay okay, here’s one. ‘Why did the dog cross the road?”

Christopher had been into dog jokes lately, it seems. Maddie purses her lips, thinking on it. “Why?”

“To get to the barking lot.” The snort Maddie lets out is enough to make Buck laugh as well, sending the two of them into high pitched giggles. Chimney unfurls his arm from Maddie's waist to pull his keys out of his pocket.

“Speaking of ‘barking lots’ we have returned to our cars.” He presses the keychain and unlocks it from the sidewalk, much to Maddies dismay. She groans dramatically and pulls Buck into a tight hug.

“We need to do this more. All four of us. It’s so much fun. I love you Buckaroo.” Buck returns the tight hug, lifting his sister slightly off the ground.

“Love you too.” When he sets her down, Chimney takes her hand. He looks at the swaying Buck and instead directs his attention toward Eddie.

“You getting this one home?”

“Yeah, I’ll make sure he actually gets into bed.” Buck is too busy looking at the colorful flower bed next to the sidewalk to pay attention to the conversation. Chimney nods.

“Good idea. I’ll text you, you text me?”

“Sounds fair. Night Chim.” Chimney waves goodbye to the two men as he follows Maddie to the car. Once they’re both in safe and sound, Eddie finally gets Buck out of his flower focused reverie, with a hand on his shoulder.

“Come on Buck. You’re coming with me.”

“Are you uh, taking me home?”

“Nah, you can just sleep on my couch.” Buck hopes that he doesn't let it show, but the idea makes him sweat. Him, drunk off white wine, alone in a house with Eddie who looks like the tallest drink of water he’s ever seen. But he also can’t really say no, because that would look suspicious. Then again, kissing Eddie would also be pretty telling as well.

New plan: don’t kiss Eddie, don’t try to sleep with Eddie, just get in the house, get to the couch, and fall asleep.

A perfectly reasonable plan.

 

The trip to the car is fairly easy, and the ride back is just about the same as the ride before, except Buck is certain about the fact that Eddie keeps looking at him every time they sit at a stoplight. Even in Buck’s state he can feel Eddie’s gaze on the back of his neck, and it makes me squirm. For the first time tonight, he doesn’t feel pleasantly warm, but his instead stifled and uncomfortable, like if he wants to scratch whatever itch he has he’s going to have to go right down to the bone.

Buck does his best to avoid noticing Eddie the rest of the car ride, which goes well until they’ve parked and Buck now has to successfully lower himself down from the truck. Eddie must sense Bucks unease at trying to accomplish that large feat, so he tells Buck to wait there and hops down from the drivers side.

“ _oh shit oh fuck oh god oh shit,_ ” are the only things that can run through Bucks head as Eddie rounds the truck and opens the passenger side door for him. He holds out his hand for him, nodding towards the house.

“Come on, I got you.” Buck takes the hand as calmly as he can, lowering himself out and somehow, despite all his hard work, still manages to stumble coming out of the truck, resulting in Eddie have to throw his other arm out to catch him.

Damn drunk depth perception.

Eddie just laughs and helps Buck steady himself. Buck tries to ignore the fact that Eddies arm lingers just a little too long across this chest, and the cold feeling that's left behind when it's finally removed.

The journey into the house goes much smoother, with Eddie talking about how he had a great time with the three of them, and was happy to help Buck break his third wheel status. Once they get in, Buck immediately heads toward the living room, earning a full laugh from Eddie when he flops down face first onto the couch. “Well, you do that. I’ll grab you some clothes alright?” The muffled grunt and a thumbs up is all the go ahead he needs.

While Eddie rummages through his drawers, Buck’s phone pings with a message from Maddie, telling him she made it home and that he ought to drink some water and that she loves him. Of course the message includes lots of spelling errors and too many heart emojis, but he’s glad to know that his sister is back home, safe, happy, and hopefully full of water and painkillers, like he ought to be.

As if Eddie could read his mind, he appears in front of him brandishing clothes, a glass of water, and a bottle of tylenol.

“This, is so you don’t wake up tomorrow feeling like you got hit by a train,” he sets the water and pills down on the side table, and then holds the folded pile of clothes in front of Buck’s sleepy form. “And these, are so you don’t have to sleep in jeans and a sweater. I’ve also got a spare toothbrush in my bathroom if you can manage that.” Eddie gives him a soft smile and it makes Buck internally groan.

Well, actually, he groans out loud, loud enough for Eddie to ask what’s wrong.

“Why are you so good to me?” Eddies face makes an expression somewhere between shocked and offended.

“Why am I _what_?”

“You let me stay here, and you give me clothes and medicine, and you’re just _so good_.” Eddie gingerly hands the clothes to Buck, confusion painted across his face.

“You’re my friend Buck, of course I’m going to take care of you.” Buck finds himself frustrated by that answer, and hoists himself off the couch to be face to face with Eddie. They’re incredibly close to each other. Too close in fact, and the proximity makes Buck ache.

“You ever think that maybe you want to take care of me for another reason?”

Buck knows that’s not the most eloquent thing in his arsenal he’s got, but it’s all he can do at the moment. The room is spinning but Eddie right in front of him is like an anchor. Smart, brave, amazing Eddie.

Eddies hand skims Bucks side, making him shiver. It's the lightest touch in the world but it makes his whole body thrum. Eddie leans in ever so slightly, as if it’s gravity that’s pulling him into Bucks orbit. They’re sharing air at this point, and when Eddie glances at Bucks lips, he goes for it.

A hand on his chest stops him.

“Buck. You don’t wanna do that.” Buck can’t help the whine that escapes his throat. He also can’t help the hand that he brings up to softly touch Eddies cheek.

“Why not?”

“Because when the morning comes I don’t think you’ll want to kiss me anymore.”

The hand on his chest pushes lightly, finally creating some distance between the two. Buck is full of something he can’t quiet place his finger on. Nothing about this feels right, and he wants to scream and make Eddie explain what in the hell that means, but instead he just says,

“Ok.”

It comes out small and a little sad, and there was nothing Buck could about it.

He collects the clothes off the floor that he had dropped in the process of trying to get his hands on Eddie, and storms past him, knocking into his shoulder as he goes. He heads to the bathroom, the only place where he can privately get over his embarrassment.

Buck locks the bathroom door behind him, his head pounding. He stands there with his back to the door until he hears Eddie go into his own room and shut the door. He tosses the clothes onto the counter before sinking down onto the floor, putting his head in his hands. He tried to kiss Eddie. He just jeopardized one of the best friendships he’s ever had because he’s stupid and drunk and hopelessly in love.

It takes almost 20 minutes for Buck to get off the floor and change himself into the clothes Eddie gave him. He decides he doesn't care enough to brush his teeth because, well he’s already made enough bad life choices tonight, what’s one more?

Buck slinks out of the bathroom, quietly making his way to the living room couch. He can hear Eddie’s snoring from his bedroom and is glad he’s asleep and not silently lying awake, thinking about how he’s going to have to kick Buck out tomorrow morning. Buck opens the tylenol bottle, swallowing two and chasing them with water.

He flops down onto the couch, and the whole night hits him all at once, causing his eyes to droop.

He falls asleep, thinking of Eddie Diaz.


	3. New Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! I hope you like this chapter and I hope you like the fun little bonus bit I have for chapter 4. In this one we've got breakfast food, angst, and lots of emotional moments with our boys!

Buck wakes up to the smell of coffee and greasy bacon. He avoids opening his eyes in the direction of the window, favoring instead to bury his face in his forearm. If the headache he has is anything to go by, he should avoid direct sunlight for a few hours. Memories of last night aren’t helping the pounding in his head either. While he still feels like an idiot after what he did, he can’t let Eddie off the hook. He can’t let them take two steps back when he can feel they’re almost right over the edge.

Buck reluctantly pulls himself off the couch, heading towards the tiny kitchen. When he enters the doorway, Eddie has his back to him, flipping bacon in a large pan. There’s slices of toast in the toaster along with a carton of eggs on the counter that hasn’t been broken into yet. Buck doesn’t know how to break the silence, so he’s lucky when Eddie breaks it for him.

“Hey man. There’s coffee in the pot and I’ll have some hangover food for you soon.” He lifts some pieces of bacon out of the pan and onto a plate and flashes a sleepy smile at Buck.

It makes Buck fume.

Here he is, contemplating how he’s going to ask Eddie if he loves him, meanwhile Eddie is making breakfast like they almost didn’t kiss last night. Like absolutely _nothing_ has changed. Which is why he can’t stop the next thing that comes out of his mouth.

“What the fuck was that all about last night?” Eddie’s whole body goes tense. He turns off the burner and turns around to face Buck. He looks tired. And not like someone who didn’t get enough sleep the night before, but someone whos exhaustion looks bone deep. On any other day, Buck would see that and maybe drop the idea of a serious conversation, but he deserves answers.

“I just stopped you from doing something you were gonna regret.”

“Who said I was going to regret it? You don’t know what I want.” Eddie clenches his jaw, and Buck can sense he’s trying not to yell, but the tension between them is already thick.

“Well then what did you want?” Buck doesn’t understand how the answer isn’t already obvious and can’t help but throw his hands up.

“To kiss you? To see what it was like because I-...” He can’t finish the sentence. He knows how it ends, but he isn’t sure if he’s ready to say it. Or if Eddie is ready to hear it.

“I’m not someones experiment Buck.”

“You’re not an ‘experiment’. Just because I’m not out doesn’t mean I’m not sure of my sexuality.”

“That is _not_ what I meant.” Buck snaps back, and he almost regrets it.

“Then what _do_ you mean?” Eddie is silent, gaze focused on the floor. In a way that Buck has never seen before, he looks small. Like if he fell over he might shatter into a million pieces against the tile floor. The few feet between them feels incredibly large, like him and Eddie are miles apart. He’s cautious as he breaks the silence.

“Do you have feelings for me?” It’s a simple enough question. It’s one of the few that Buck needs answered the most. Eddie’s eyes are glued to the floor, but his voice tells the truth.

“Of course I do.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Because Christopher and I can’t take another heartbreak. You can't hurt us if I never let you in.”

“Aren’t I already in your lives?”

“Yeah and that was my mistake.” Eddie’s answer is cold, and it cuts through Buck like a knife. He knows Eddie doesn’t mean that he hates having Buck around, but it still hurts. With all the Shannon drama in the last year, Buck can only imagine how hard it would be to allow another person into his life. The separation was amicable but that didn’t make it any less difficult. Buck feels a little bit like crying, but he won’t let Eddie see that. Buck isn’t sure how to salvage this mess of a conversation, but at this point, he feels like he should go all the way. It’s now or never.

“I love you.”

Buck isn’t entirely sure, but from across the room he swear he can hear Eddie’s heart stop.

“What?” Buck’s body feels like a lead weight as he continues, and pours his heart out onto the kitchen floor.

“I love you. I love you and Christopher. You’re not some experiment, or some ‘idea’ that I love. I want you. I want the good and the bad, and I want to watch Christopher grow up and I want to watch us get old. And I’m sorry if you can’t see that.”

“Jesus, Buck. Do you mean that?” Buck can’t help it when his voice cracks.

“Why would I lie?” And it’s true. Buck wouldn’t have laid his entire heart and soul bare in front of his best friend if he didn’t want it more than anything in the world. Like he said, life is short.

Eddie is just staring at him. He’s breathing heavy and Buck is worried he’s going to get thrown out. That Eddie is going to tell him that he can’t love Buck, and that they shouldn’t be together. That they should just be friends and that Buck will have to go home, dejected and lost.

Eddie crosses the kitchen in two long strides, and when he grabs Bucks face, he’s almost worried he’s going to punch him.

And then Eddie kisses him.

Buck has heard a million stories about first kisses. How they feel like fireworks or explosions or flowers blooming in spring. But when Eddie kisses him, it just feels like home.

Buck deepens the kiss, threading a hand up into Eddies hair. It’s soft and gel free, and Buck could spend a lifetime running his hands through it. Eddie’s hands find their way to Bucks hips, anchoring him there.

When they finally break apart, Buck rests his forehead against Eddies, and he can’t help the smile that breaks out across his face. Eddie brushes his nose against Buck’s, chuckling.

“I’m sorry I was stupid.”

“It’s okay. I know you’re looking out for Christopher.” Eddie presses a soft kiss to Bucks lips.

“That’s no excuse for me being a jerk.”

“You _can_ be a jerk sometimes.” Eddie huffs out a laugh, and agrees. They stand like that for a moment, nose to nose, just breathing each other in before he breaks the silence.

“I love you too, by the way.” Buck’s heart swells and it feels like heaven.

“Yeah, I figured that.”

“Know it all.” Buck smacks Eddie on the arm, and laughs. It’s at this point that the haze of their first kiss has worn off, and Eddie remarks that Bucks breath reeks. In return, Buck tries his hardest to kiss Eddie again, directing his beer stale breath at his cheek.

“Go brush your damn teeth Buckley!!” Eddie laughs and wards him off with a kitchen towel, turning back to the stove burner to restart the forgotten breakfast.

Buck heads off to the bathroom, and he feels like he’s floating. Like there’s a thousand pound weight that was lifted off his chest, and he feels warm all over. On his way back from ridding himself of bad breath, he takes a peek at his phone on the couch, showing he has a missed call from Maddie. He calls her number and listens to the dial tone. The voice that answers sounds just as tired as he is.

“Hey Buck.”

“You alive Mads?” She groans on the end of the line, and Buck can hear the shuffle of sheets as she presumably sits up in bed.

“Barely. I woke up to find I only took half my makeup off and _apparently_ I told Chimney about my plans for _kids_.” Buck whistles and gives a very appropriate yikes in response. Maddie laughs. “Eh, it could've been worse. I also said we’re naming them after you and Hen.” Buck laughs this time, a deep belly laugh that makes him smile.

“No you did _not_.”

“Oh 100%. I gotta go face that conversation in a minute. What about you?” Buck glances towards the kitchen, contemplating how much he should tell her. He certainly isn’t going to shout to the rooftops that he kissed Eddie Diaz ( _although he’d like to_ ), but he also tells Maddie everything and this is no exception. He takes a deep breath and lets it fly.

“Uhm. Eddie kissed me.” He hears her almost drop her phone on the other end, and suddenly Maddie is wide awake, practically yelling into the speaker.

“HE KISSED YOU?”

“Well, I tried to kiss him first but I was drunk and we sort of had a fight? And then I spilled my guts and he kissed me and well…now he’s making me breakfast.” Maddie is exceptionally silent for a moment but Buck can hear her smile through the phone. Then he hears...a sniffle? “Maddie, are you-are you crying?”

Her answer comes along with the wet hiccupy sound of someone who has clearly let a tear or two slip.

“No! I mean, yeah okay I am, but I’m just really happy for you Buck!” She hiccups again, making them both laugh, and Buck swears he’s never been happier.

An incredible sister, a very handsome boyfriend, an amazing kid Buck hopes to one day call his own, and a wonderful family he gets to work with everyday makes it all feel like a dream.

If it is one, he hopes he’ll never wake up.


	4. Lay Lady Lay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my fun bonus chapter that I hope you guys like!!! I couldn't fit it in with the rest of the story but I wanted to tell this part as well. These are some events of the date night into the next day from Maddie's perspective. It has Chimney and Maddie being cute together, supportive siblings and more important breakfast talks. Thanks so much for reading guys, it means the world!!

Maddie and Chimney arrived to the bar early. Not for any other reason besides that they were people who liked to be early. They grabbed a booth towards the back of the bar, something cozy for the four of them.

They knew how to keep each other entertained, which was one reason Maddie enjoyed spending so much time with Chimney. He always had something to say, whether it be about work, movies, or just random facts. He said what was on his mind, but he was never mean. Just sincere. This time, they were playing ‘I Spy’, doing their best to past the time before their drinks and friends arrived. They sat in the booth, Maddies head resting on Chimneys shoulder.

She narrows her eyes, scanning the bar for something interesting for their game. “I spy something green and pointy.” Chimney looks around for a moment or two, weighing his options.

“Hmm...I'm thinking either those fake plants next to the front window or that guys mohawk.” Maddie clicks her tongue and shakes her head.

“Ooh sorry detective, so close. I was actually referring to that incredible spiked dinosaur backpack hanging on that booth over there.” Maddie points to the offending neon green item, which gets a chuckle out of her boyfriend. He chews the inside of his cheek, thinking of what to ‘ _spy_ ’ next.

“Okay I spy….something very beautiful.” Maddie rolls her eyes, feeling Chimney’s gaze on her out of the corner of her eye. She’d smack him if he didn’t sound so sincere.

“Hmmm. Saying myself would be the obvious answer in this situation, but is that too prideful?”

“How presumptuous of you to assume I was talking about you.” Maddie laughs and puts an arm around him, leaning closer into his space.

“So you weren’t talking about me?”

“Of course I was talking about you.” Maddie smiles, giving Chimney a soft peck on the lips.

“Sap.”  

The waiter returns with the four beers, just in time for Buck and Eddie to walk in a few minutes later. Maddie had promised she wouldn’t say anything about Buck and his feelings for Eddie, but the way her brother seemed to glow around him was noticeable to just about anyone. If Chimney couldn’t see it then he was probably blind. He proved Maddie right by leaning in to whisper as the two men got closer to the table.

“They look very good together. And happy.”

“I know, right.”

“Is there something I should know?” Maddie never gets the chance to answer and instead is met with Eddie and her brother sliding into the seats across from them. She glances at Chimney and he gives her a look that says, _“My lips are sealed. We can talk later.”_ Maddie directs her attention towards Eddie.

“So I heard Christopher went to the Observatory last week?”

“Oh yeah, and now he’s obsessed with space. Yesterday he told me he wants to be astronaut.”

Maddie listens as Eddie dotes about his son, and she feels content with Chimney’s side pressed into hers. She notices Buck take a hard swig of his beer, and decides she’ll need to keep an eye out for him having any sort of freak out. Not that she’s expecting one. He’s stronger than he looks.

Buck came out to her while she was in her senior year of high school, the last year they were really close for a long time. They hugged each other and cried and she promised to always be there for him because, rural Pennsylvania wasn’t really a place to be bisexual. Maybe it was a little better now, and of course LA was far more progressive than where they used to live, but she knew he would rather come out to people on his own terms.

She wishes he could see the way Eddie looks at him. When Buck chimes in with a story from their childhood when they tried to build a ‘rocket’ out of cardboard, Eddie watches him intently. He looks enraptured, like Buck is the reason the sun rises and falls, and it makes Maddie want to jump up and scream, _“LOOK, HE FEELS THE SAME WAY TOO!!! YOU BOTH DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!!!”_

Except she’s a rational person and knows that’s not the way to make things like that happen. If she finds a moment alone with Buck later, she’ll say something.

She can’t let love like that go to waste.

-

When the waiter comes back over later, he asks if they’d like to try any wine, it’s the nightly special. Buck is too focused on Eddie to answer so Maddie makes the choice for them. She wanted to have fun, she knew Buck would enjoy it too, and most importantly she could do whatever she wanted. So white wine it is then. 

-

The car ride back to her place is by no means quiet. Maddie couldn’t seem to stop herself from just talking and talking, like if she closes her mouth for ten seconds she’ll explode. Chimney doesn’t seem to mind, laughing and doing his best to keep up with her rambling as he navigates the freeway.

“Look, Chimney, hun, _look_ all I’m saying is that if you didn’t want me to have a crush on Jeremy Renner, then we shouldn’t have watched Mission Impossible 4.” Chimney huffs out a laugh, sparing a glance at Maddie’s sleepy form.

“Listen, I get it, he’s handsome. I just think Tom Cruise is cooler.” Maddie immediately fires back that Tom Cruise may be cool, but he hasn’t been handsome since Top Gun. That really makes Chimney laugh this time, and he smiles. “You really just _get_ me, don’t you Maddie.” She closes her eyes and smiles, letting her head rest against the window.

“I do. It’s cause I love you.” Her voice is soft while she says it, and she means it to. It’s not the first time she’s told Chimney that she loves him, but she doesn’t say it enough. She really does. She can’t see him, but she can hear the smile in Chimneys voice.

“I love you too.” They sit in content silence for a moment as they stop at a red light, before Maddie opens her eyes again, and puts her chin in her hands.

“Oka-okay. So I was thinking. Our babies. Future babies. Obviously.” Maddie can hear her brain screaming at her, but she doesn’t seem to care. She continues anyway. “First of all. They will be the _cutest_. Guaranteed. And second. We will be naming one Henrietta. And then the other will be Evan.” For the first time that night Chimney is speechless and his fingers tap the steering wheel anxiously. He takes a moment or two to respond, as if he was calculating the best answer for the given scenario.

“I _see._ Why are you thinking about that right now?”

“I don’t know. I just am. Also I noticed how handsome you were again and how our babies would be _stunning_.” This makes Chimney crack a small smile, but his unease is obvious. Maddie can sense it, even in her white wine induced haze. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing. I just, uhm. I don’t know Maddie. That sounds great you know, wonderful in fact. But I kinda have to remember you’re just saying things because I know you and you’ve got no filter right now.” It’s obvious how right he is, and it makes Maddie huff. She knows she babbles, and she knows she sometimes just says whatever comes to her brain, but she also knows when she wants something.

She isn’t mad, but she can’t stop herself from spending the rest of the ride just watching the cars pass by and letting the noise of the car fill the silence.

-

When Maddie wakes up the next morning, there’s a fake eyelash stuck to her cheek and an empty bed next to her. Sunlight is filtering into the room, and she groans, throwing the covers over her head. She knows she needs to get up and that she desperately needs food and a drink that contains absolutely _no_ alcohol, but she can’t bring herself to leave the bed just yet. She assumes Chimney is downstairs in her kitchen, although she can’t be entirely sure. She isn’t really ready to face the music. She fishes her phone off her nightstand to try and call Buck, but only gets his voicemail in return. Maddie sighs, burying herself back into bed and mulling over the rest of last night in her head.

After their awkward baby conversation, Chimney still offered to carry Maddie to the door if she really needed it (s _he almost accepted the offer, but decided against it),_ and once inside he still helped her get ready for bed. Maddie clearly remembers her attempts to get way too handsy with him while he changed into pajamas and she can’t help but laugh at herself.  Drunk Maddie was apparently very brazen.

After about 10 minutes of avoiding real life under her duvet, Maddie decides it’s time to get up. When she checks her phone again, it’s only a little after 9:30, which isn’t late for her but also isn’t her usual wake up time either.

She’s checking her email when her phone vibrates in her hand, Buck’s contact photo lighting up the screen.

She can only hope his night went smoother than hers.

-

When she comes downstairs sometime later, after wiping the rest of her makeup off _(and her tear stained cheeks)_ she’s almost completely forgotten about the baby conversation. All she can think about how happy she is for her brother, how he told her that “ _Eddie said he loved me, Mads”._ It’s no lie when they say that other people’s mood can affect yours because she feels like she’s floating, just like her brother.

The kitchen smells like sugar, and she arrives just in time to see Chimney, still clad in his FDLA sweats and t-shirt, pulling out a tray of cinnamon rolls from the oven. He puts them on top of the stove, fanning them with the oven mitt. Maddie comes up behind him, wrapping her arms around his middle, letting her head rest on his back.

“Morning.”

“Morning sleepyhead. Hope you don’t mind, I found the canister buried in the back of the fridge and assumed they’d been forgotten about.”

“Why would I mind you making me breakfast?” Chimney shrugs and gives her hands a squeeze before unlinking them so he can grab plates out of the shelf above them. Maddie heads over to the coffee pot, pouring herself a cup and heading to the fridge for milk. Chimney hums to himself softly as he grabs utensils for them, and Maddie only half appreciates the the normality of it all.

While she appreciates him not bringing up their conversation from last night she also _really_ wants him to bring up their conversation from last night. She wants to know how he feels, but at the same time she’s worried. Maddie knows she doesn’t want kids _tomorrow,_ but does he know that? Chimney chimes in from the kitchen table.

“So, do you wanna talk about last night?”

Be careful what you wish for, I guess.

Maddie closes the fridge door, heading over to the table were the rolls have been divided between the two of them, Chimney already sitting in his chair. She sits down at the small circular table, scooting herself closer to him so she can prop her legs up on his lap while she sits. Maddie traces the rim of her coffee mug with her finger.

“I do. But I want to hear what you thought first.”

“Ok. Well, I know that you don’t want kids this very second. That one is kind of obvious.” Maddie thanks the lord for giving her a boyfriend with a head on his shoulders. “But I also know that you don’t just say things to say things. I think maybe one day, you’d want to have a baby. But that’s obviously in the future. And I’m okay with that.” Chimney grabs the cinnamon roll off his plate, biting a piece off. Maddie assumes that that’s his signal for ‘ _the floor is yours_ ’. She takes a deep breath.

“You’re right. But I also don’t regret saying what I said. I love you, Chim and I really think it’s true when I say you’re my person. And I think we should be able to talk about the future, _our_ future honestly.”

“And we 100% can. I just want you to know that I’m not here to push or ask any more of you than you’d like to give. I’m here _for_ you.” God, Maddie could kiss him right now. “Except, do we have to name them after your brother? I mean we can make Henrietta work but Evan….” Maddie laughs and whacks him on the arm and reminds him that no they don't have to name them that, but they can be in the running. Maddie grabs Chimneys hand, lacing their fingers together under the table.

“I do want those things with you. I know that. A house, kids, maybe a dog, the whole nine yards. Just...when I’m ready.” Chimney flashes her one of his soft smiles and her heart melts.

“Well, my calendar is wide open.” Maddie narrows her eyes and smiles.

“Hey, you can’t use the same line on me twice!”

“But it worked last time didn’t it?”

Maddie thinks back to over a year ago, when their friendship was new and how Chimney did everything in his power to make her feel welcome and comfortable and safe and _happy_. How Maddie was unsure but knew that something about it felt right. Like when you’re positive two puzzle pieces must fit together, but you aren’t sure at which end. 

“Yes, yes it did.”

She pulls him in for a kiss, and they both taste like cinnamon sugar and coffee.

When the pieces do fit together, they always will in the end. Sometimes you just need some time to figure out how.


End file.
